Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Don't Do This.
A loved one messaged me earlier to say they felt I was mean to them this morning because of the look on my face and tone of voice. I messaged back to say that it was unintentional, I'm sorry I made them feel that way, and took the opportunity to educate them that this is actually a fairly typical trait of people with Asperger's. This person replied to me, and I quote: "Assburgers sucks."
Now, that hurt. A lot. I'm an Aspie. (Some people don't like the word Aspie. I don't like PFL, so Aspie is my alternative. I don't want to be a person with asperger's. And I surely am not "an asperger" because Asperger is not my surname. So I am an Aspie. Please don't hold terminology against me.) I can only imagine that it might be like if a gay person's loved one told them that homosexuality sucks. Or if someone told their mother "mothers suck". Like I said, It HURT. A lot. I have to admit that despite trying really hard not to, I cried.
I'm in my 40s and wasn't diagnosed until last year and this loved one has known me most of my life, so it's not like the label defines me to them - or it shouldn't. This interaction pre-diagnosis would've ended with me telling them I didn't mean to make them think I was upset, and I was sorry, and them accepting my apology. But because the dx was thrown in there, this person took it differently (and lashed out).
Now, I'm going to stop right here. I could expand on all of this, but I don't want to go off in that direction (as warranted as it is).
I'd rather take this opportunity to point out that I'm a grown adult and having my loved one say "Assburgers sucks" [sic] to me MADE ME CRY AND RUINED MY DAY and is making me SERIOUSLY reconsider my trust and love and respect in regards to this person right now.
THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DO TO THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY SAY THEY HATE THE AUTISM (BUT LOVE THE CHILD). DON'T DO THIS.
(By the way, I responded that I wouldn't change me if I could, I like me, and It's too bad they don't. They tried to say that wasn't what they said but you know what? it IS what they said.)